Lists, Random

Know your Bro-nouns II: People, Places and Things, for Bros!

This is the second installment of bro-nouns.

Brome: a diminutive fellow who is mostly concerned with beer pong, gym sets and brotein.

Just being a bro.

Just being a bro.

 

Brotein: consumed by bromes and other bros. This stuff is like creatine, but with crack inside.

Broken: 1) Just broken, bro. 2) Similar to a token used in old arcade game machines, but the broken unlocks any gym in the world.

Streambroat Springs: Excellent skiing with brah-twursts and high speed skiing. Apparently, women aren’t allowed, which makes this the dumbest ski area ever.

Broyoda: A car brand invented to sound like Toyota. All of the cars come without an engine.

Bro Montana: This guy can sling footballs like no other.

Brogoda: A place to worship Bro Montana.

And now for a bonus word

Browing (actually a verb, or bro-verb):  Browing is akin to rowing, however in browing, the watercraft is pulled over a lake filled with an asinine combination of Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller Light and PBR.

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Lists, Random

11 Reasons Why Every Man Should Grow Long Hair

I had short hair my whole life… until I was 25. Then I grew it out, and over the last few years I realized there are some compelling reasons every man should grow long hair at least once.

1) You’ll Understand Women Better

Not really. But, you’ll at least understand some of the problems the majority of women have endured their entire life: 1) bad hair days where it’s really obvious, and 2) fewer solutions to solve this bad-hair-day problem. With short hair, things are easier to hide. And these days, as a guy, it’s more common to wear a hat — which is the solution to any bad hair day.

2) You Can Fetch Compliments

No guarantees here, but you’ll have an opportunity to be admired for your HAIR. The number of times you get compliments on your hair when it’s short? 0. But when it’s long? The potential is infinite!

Is that the Blue Steel?

Is that the Blue Steel?

3) The Wind and You Are in a Relationship Muy Complicado

Roll down the car windows, drop the top on the convertible, your hair is blowing in the wind and you feel 100% DOPE. You and the wind are tight homies — you go way back to kindergarten. And then, the following day, you get your hair game together cause you’re hitting the town. It’s still a little wet, and you and your buddies get in the car. Buddy in the front seat rolls the window down and the wind (read: HURRICANE) hits your hair and makes a rat nest atop your dome piece. Now you just want to put a hat on, but you’ve only got baseball hats, and you’re wearing a button down. Nope nope nope. You hate the wind now.

A beanie can be your best friend when the wind is being your worst enemy.

A beanie can be your best friend when the wind is being your worst enemy.

4) You Might be Referred to as “Miss”

Sitting down at a restaurant and the waiter can only see the back of your (referring to any man) head, and he starts: “Good evening, ladies. Drinks to start?” And then you turn at him and he looks really embarrassed… And you feel really embarrassed because you are on a date.

5) You’ll Begin to Appreciate Conditioner

When I had short hair, I used 2-in-1 Shampoo/Conditioner like Pert Plus. Then I stopped when I had enough hair to realize that Pert Plus is a big green assassin of hair.

6) You’ll Be Unique

Go to a bar and look around. Count the number of dudes with long hair. If you grow your hair out, you’ll be special. That’s good for your bar game. Of course, this totally depends on the bar you’re in, because in the case of a ski town, things change, which leads me to…

Optimum going-out hairstyle.

Optimum going-out hairstyle, by the way.

7) You’ll Fit Right In at a Ski Town

If you’ve been trying to be a ski bum your whole life but have kept putting it off, well, growing your hair out and visiting some ski towns will get you one step closer to your goal. With long hair, you can shred gnar and be super chill with the rest of the long-haired bros at [name-any-ski-town-here].

8) You’ll Know You Have Some Decent Amount of Patience

Long hair must be grown from short hair (yeah, shocking). But growing things takes time, and in this case, getting sweet long hair is going to take just a little longer than sending a text message to your boo. And you have to go through the awkward-length phase, which could also be named the hats-only-every-damn-day phase. If you can endure being the caretaker of this sad excuse for a hair-do for a few months while your teenaged hair grows into an adult, then you can give yourself a pat on the back (or the head) and recognize your ability to navigate times filled with turbulent waters.

9) You’re Trying Something New

Novelty is so sexy. AND YOU LOVE SEXY!

10) You’ll Have More Options for Great Halloween Costumes

Jaime Lannister

Jaime Lannister

11) You Get to Cut It

If you grow it out, you get to cut it off, too. And in this case, I highly recommend doing it yourself even if the last head of hair you cut belonged to that girl on the playground from the first grade. (You did it because you thought it’d be funny.) In both cases it resulted in everyone crying, but forget about that because you’ll be crying with joy!

Before

Before

After

After

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Lists, New York City, Random

Things In New York That You Stop Taking Photos Of

During my first year in New York City (moved out in October, 2009), I took quite a few photos of things that were, at the time, novel. Novelty photos are great because they unveil subject matter that excites an individual. I think we should always feel excited about our environment, and if you are not, it may be indicative that you need to change your life-clothes. Here are some of my gems.

99centpizza

WHAT? 99 CENTS? You mean that I can have a slice of pizza for 99 cents? You mean that I can actually eat something for less than $1 in Manhattan? “Sir, I will take 99 slices, please and thank you.”

IMG_0417

First snow in the city is magical. Now it’s a nuisance, because melted snow = puddles, which turns the entire city into a giant game of Frogger. In this photo, we can see that NYC stays consistent throughout the years — you never know if your street is gonna get plowed or not.

IMG_0402

This is a busy street.

snow

Even bike thieves are afraid of the snow.

ground zero

Ground Zero, which, I actually still might take a photo of, because One World Trade Center now stands here.

subwaywork

Subway guys working on subway stuff. Definitely never take photos of this anymore. Now when I see this, I know it means any of these things: 1) it’s passed 12 a.m. and I should be in bed, 2) my train is going to be delayed, or 3) my train is never going to come.

subwayleaking

The subway is water-tight, which is why you see water pouring into most stations whenever there is more than 1 centimeter of rain. Don’t forget to bring your rain catcher.

streetstatues

This crazy art. And this weird dog. Since I’ll never see both of them together again, I’m glad I captured this. I also know that now I would see this dog and be pissed at the owner for having such a long leash on a busy street.

santacon

Santa Con before I knew what Santa Con was. Now I know what Santa Con is. Now I would smash a beer bottle over their jolly heads.

rockefeller_tree

I actually forgot that I’ve ever seen this tree in person. If I had to go this year, first, I’d rent some ice skates. Then, I’d use them to create a wall of defense around me. You know, like Wolverine does.

plaza

This is the Plaza Hotel. You remember Home Alone, don’t you? I’ll just Google it now. That way I can avoid taking the subway to go see this tourist-surrounded monstrosity.

nye

New Year’s Eve. I’m glad I took a photo, because I can’t remember any of it.

mouse_574

This was my first mouse kill. You can now call me the mouse mercenary with at least 15 kills under my belt. I’m not happy about it. The sad story with this little guy was that the first trap caught his tail. I then led him into the second one. Let’s agree to call this euthanasia. 😦

middle finger

Welcome to New York City! These days I just give the finger right back.

landlord

Alternatively you can just call any landlord — they’re all crazy.

IMG_0556

The Highline. It’s like a train track, but it’s a park. Still cool to go here, but it has lost its picture-worthiness.

IMG_0349

This cat did not learn how to read in school.

IMG_0316

This cat is the store’s security. Little Felix also is a shirt-folding machine.

IMG_0315

People selling stuff on the streets in the Lower East Side. At the time, it surprised me that any streets in Manhattan were used for anything other than driving/jay-walking. I am still surprised by this photo —  these people actually sell their wares.

IMG_0305

Look at that beautiful polluted water!

IMG_0301

Katz’s Delicatessen. I had one of these sandwiches this December. It took me 3 years to make it back here; I’m not a big fan of lines.

IMG_0288

I think Obama might have been in town. Maybe I was hoping to get a photo of him. Definitely don’t care anymore.

IMG_0286

There are 10 flower beds in the city. There are 10,000 dogs. Sadly, dog-owners need to be reminded that their dog should not be peeing or pooping on 1/10 beautiful things in the city.

imagine_lennon

Once you’ve got it once, you don’t need it again. This is still great though.

donut_pub

Why did I take this photo? I must have been trying to prove a point — that there are donut shops in Manhattan which are not Dunkin Donuts.

bad accident

“Hey dude, you flipped your car in the middle of Broadway/Houston… Yeah, the really busy street that smells like bad Cologne because of the Hollister on the corner.”

union_snow

This is an empty Union Square, with snow. Did you hear me? Union Square. Empty.

I ❤ NY.

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Lists, Random

Ten things that are so bad they’re good

  1. Batman from 1989 with Michael Keaton. Batman 1
  2. Clothes from the 80s (but not Batman’s suit) 80s-fashion-trends2
  3. Some people say the Jersey Shore. That’s not true.
  4. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice.
  5. Debates about religion.
  6. Debates about debating.
  7. Dating (Except for bad dates. Bad dates are so bad they’re bad.)
  8. Drunk munchies (including tasty Chinese food).
  9. Tasty chinese food that makes you throw up after a night of binge drinking, actually preventing you from going to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.
  10. Michael Jackson’s “Bad.”
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