Food

The Whole Life Challenge: You Mean I Can’t Eat Pizza?

I’m doing the Whole Life Challenge and it has yet to be determined whether it is the best or worst decision I’ve made in my life.

Reasons it Could Be the Worst

I can’t eat any of these things:

sees

Now you see ’em, now you can’t frickin’ eat ’em.

pizza2

Pizza? That stuff sucks. I hate it.

pizza

I hate pizza so much that I eat it a lot.

pancakes

Pancakes? Nope. Definitely rhymes with “nope.”

more cookie

Powdered sugar is out. So are empanadas. But I can stare at them. Forever.

kasespatzen

Käsespätzle is also a “no,” and it doesn’t matter how sexy the girl is that makes it for you.

icecream

I scream, you scream, we — “dude stop screaming”

cookies

Cookies! 🙂

cookie happy

Cookies! 😦

candy

Gummy bears? No. Real bears? Yes, but you have to kill them with your bare hands.

bread

Bread and cheese. Those things suck together.

beer2

Who needs alcohol when you can have water?

beer

Can’t have beer. Can have powder.

lastburrito

In burritos we trust.

Reasons it Could Be the Best

It’s challenging. And for people that like challenges, that’s enough.

What I Ate On Day 1/2

Day 1

  • 2 hard-boiled eggs
  • 1 protein shake with 22G protein
  • 1 banana
  • 1/2 chicken
  • 1/3 of a Sweet potato
  • 1 side salad.
  • 1 coffee
  • 3 + liters of water

Day 2:

  • 2 chicken breasts
  • 1/2 chicken
  • 1 side salad
  • 3 bananas (2 in the morning, 1 in the evening)
  • 1/2 a can of sardines.
  • 1.5 coffees
  • 3 + liters of water

As you can see, I’m probably lacking protein.

Standard
Lists, New York City, Random

Things In New York That You Stop Taking Photos Of

During my first year in New York City (moved out in October, 2009), I took quite a few photos of things that were, at the time, novel. Novelty photos are great because they unveil subject matter that excites an individual. I think we should always feel excited about our environment, and if you are not, it may be indicative that you need to change your life-clothes. Here are some of my gems.

99centpizza

WHAT? 99 CENTS? You mean that I can have a slice of pizza for 99 cents? You mean that I can actually eat something for less than $1 in Manhattan? “Sir, I will take 99 slices, please and thank you.”

IMG_0417

First snow in the city is magical. Now it’s a nuisance, because melted snow = puddles, which turns the entire city into a giant game of Frogger. In this photo, we can see that NYC stays consistent throughout the years — you never know if your street is gonna get plowed or not.

IMG_0402

This is a busy street.

snow

Even bike thieves are afraid of the snow.

ground zero

Ground Zero, which, I actually still might take a photo of, because One World Trade Center now stands here.

subwaywork

Subway guys working on subway stuff. Definitely never take photos of this anymore. Now when I see this, I know it means any of these things: 1) it’s passed 12 a.m. and I should be in bed, 2) my train is going to be delayed, or 3) my train is never going to come.

subwayleaking

The subway is water-tight, which is why you see water pouring into most stations whenever there is more than 1 centimeter of rain. Don’t forget to bring your rain catcher.

streetstatues

This crazy art. And this weird dog. Since I’ll never see both of them together again, I’m glad I captured this. I also know that now I would see this dog and be pissed at the owner for having such a long leash on a busy street.

santacon

Santa Con before I knew what Santa Con was. Now I know what Santa Con is. 

rockefeller_tree

I actually forgot that I’ve ever seen this tree in person. If I had to go this year, first, I’d rent some ice skates. Then, I’d use them to create a wall of defense around me. You know, like Wolverine does.

plaza

This is the Plaza Hotel. You remember Home Alone, don’t you? I’ll just Google it now. That way I can avoid taking the subway to go see this tourist-surrounded monstrosity.

nye

New Year’s Eve. I’m glad I took a photo, because I can’t remember any of it.

mouse_574

This was my first mouse kill. You can now call me the mouse mercenary with at least 15 kills under my belt. I’m not happy about it. The sad story with this little guy was that the first trap caught his tail. I then led him into the second one. Let’s agree to call this euthanasia. 😦

middle finger

Welcome to New York City! These days I just give the finger right back.

landlord

Alternatively you can just call any landlord — they’re all crazy.

IMG_0556

The Highline. It’s like a train track, but it’s a park. Still cool to go here, but it has lost its picture-worthiness.

IMG_0349

This cat did not learn how to read in school.

IMG_0316

This cat is the store’s security. Little Felix also is a shirt-folding machine.

IMG_0315

People selling stuff on the streets in the Lower East Side. At the time, it surprised me that any streets in Manhattan were used for anything other than driving/jay-walking. I am still surprised by this photo —  these people actually sell their wares.

IMG_0305

Look at that beautiful polluted water!

IMG_0301

Katz’s Delicatessen. I had one of these sandwiches this December. It took me 3 years to make it back here; I’m not a big fan of lines.

IMG_0288

I think Obama might have been in town. Maybe I was hoping to get a photo of him. Definitely don’t care anymore.

IMG_0286

There are 10 flower beds in the city. There are 10,000 dogs. Sadly, dog-owners need to be reminded that their dog should not be peeing or pooping on 1/10 beautiful things in the city.

imagine_lennon

Once you’ve got it once, you don’t need it again. This is still great though.

donut_pub

Why did I take this photo? I must have been trying to prove a point — that there are donut shops in Manhattan which are not Dunkin Donuts.

bad accident

“Hey dude, you flipped your car in the middle of Broadway/Houston… Yeah, the really busy street that smells like bad Cologne because of the Hollister on the corner.”

union_snow

This is an empty Union Square, with snow. Did you hear me? Union Square. Empty.

I ❤ NY.

Standard
Travel

Climbing Mt. Shasta, Camping on a Glacier, and Skiing Down

Once you’ve got an idea in your head, you have to do something with it — let it die, or act on it. We brought ours to life.

“Let’s climb Mt. Shasta.”

a_shasta
“OK.”

I just wanted to do something fun. Climbing mountains is fun. Or is it? Things that come with climbing a mountain or can come with climbing a mountain:

  • A diet primarily based on beef-jerky and energy bars.
  • Snow.
  • Snow in your face.
  • Snow in your boots.
  • Snow in your tent.
  • Wind.
  • Wind in your face.
  • Wind outside of your tent (which subsequently makes you think that the big bad wolf is outside about to blow your goddamned tent down the goddamned mountain.)
  • Wind inside of your tent, because the wind can be everywhere.
  • Discomfort caused by “rural” or “ancient” methods of relieving oneself.
  • Pride in overcoming the challenge of the previous point.
  • Tiredness.
  • Sleep deprivation.
  • Exhaustion.
  • Fear.
  • Joy.

Let me elaborate on that.

I flew back on a Thursday night to meet up with my dad. He was my climbing partner at the youthful age of sixty-one. My dad can kick your dad’s ass (unless your dad knows jujitsu, and is in his 20s, and you can read this, somehow.) We drove up to Shasta from the bay area, approximately a 4.5-hour drive and spent the night at the Best Western. Holy shit. Have you ever stayed at a Best Western? It’s what I imagine staying at the Ritz Carlton is like, or maybe just the Carlton. We slept like babies that had a fresh pair of diapers and woke up the next morning for some buffetfest. Eggs, sausage, pancakes, the works, everything I ever wanted and dreamed of — I have big dreams.

We shot over to the meeting spot and met the guide and the other two gents in the group. I was the youngest by 21 years. I promised everyone I would make it to the top before them. I did this simply by standing there and not speaking. Oh, the power of youthfulness.

We drove over to the backside of Shasta; made it to our beginning trail over there and got our backpacks on. I mention this because backpacks are often trivial, unless you’re climbing a mountain, staying two nights there, and skiing down it. In that case, you need things like: food, water, plastic bags, ice axes, shovels, transceivers, avalanche probes, ski crampons, skis, ski skins, ski boots, ski clothing, ski poles, bandaids, camping stoves, fuel, alleve (optional), pepto bismol (optional, but recommended), toothbrush/toothpaste (optional, but not advised), sleeping bag, a mat for your sleeping bag, and a giant fucking backpack to carry all of the aforementioned. Also optional: bringing a girl with you to keep you warm at night, but in that case, you’d probably want to bring a toothbrush/toothpaste. See gear:

a_gear

We got on our merry way. Peculiar to me was the entire setup I had going on my feet. I never went ski touring before in my life. What do you mean my heel comes up? What do you mean I won’t slide backwards on this hill? Are you sure these skin things work? They work. They just don’t work as well as you’d hope when you have 0 experience. As such, my first 15 minutes on this randonee setup was, to say the least, exciting.

Remember when you were a baby learning how to walk? Me neither, but that’s how I felt.

We hiked from 7,000 to 10,000 feet and made camp. We used our shovels to flatten an area and then we pitched our tents right there on the mountainside.

a_campsite2

As the night rolled in, the wind picked up, a lot. I’ve never camped at 10,000 feet. I’ve also never camped at 10,000 feet when there’s 30-45 mph winds outside. Shit, I’ve hardly even camped. We cooked dinner inside the tent, which, apparently, is generally a no-no because you can asphyxiate yourself if you don’t have air coming through it. (Asphyxiation is bad.) Also, you can pretty much blow up your tent, which is not an advisable action either. But we cooked inside anyway, all five of us in a 4-person tent, which was really like a 3-person tent. It was cozy.

a_cooking2

Dad didn’t know I took this picture of us:

a_dad_surprise
After getting the water boiling, we ate ramen and other choice gourmet foods (actually wasn’t that bad). Then we went to bed. Then the wind picked up even more. And it was snowing.

Tent vs. wind: which one would you bet on?

Our tent survived the night, and so did we. But we missed our chance to summit, because to summit, we needed to leave at 5 a.m.. At 5 a.m., there was a fortified storm outside, and we hardly had a fort protecting us.

The wind finally died down around 8 a.m. and we went ski touring, climbing up to about 11,000 feet. We saw stuff like this:

a_climbing

And this:

a_glacier_pretty

And this:

a_glacier_dad

After touring around on the glacier, we went back to camp. The weather was OK and we were actually able to cook from outside of the tent that evening. After eating, we went to bed. Around 10 p.m., the wind picked up. It howled throughout the night which made for ideal sleeping conditions, up until the morning. At 7 a.m., we were all up and the objective was clear: get the hell out of dodge. A blizzard had come, in May, and it was up in our grill, eating all of our meat and vegetables. We packed up in an hour, slapped on the skis and made our way down.

Good news: some decent powder.
Bad news: not for long.

Once we were down to about 8,000 feet, the snow became ice and the terrain shifted away from the smooth plane it once was, and it became somewhat of a minefield filled with “suncups.” These do not make for ideal skiing conditions. But, we made it look as good as we could and we powered through.

a_bottom_skiing

Once we got towards closer to the car, the snow was bountiful:

a_bottom_trail

After making it back to the car, we drove to the Goat-Tavern bar back in Shasta City. I had a beer and I washed my hands, with soap. I couldn’t tell you which one I enjoyed more.

Standard
Coding, Random

Da Git Dip Song (For Nerds)

This song was inspired by a Tweet I saw from Michael Hansen (@modality). He tweeted the first two lines and I decided to, well, finish off some of the song. It goes great with “Da Dip” by Freak Nasty playing in the background.

I PUSH MY CODE UP TO UR GIT,
WHEN I SHIP U SHIP WE SHIP!
You push yours and I push mine
We can pull it down.
And commit it ’round.

Get on the branch like I said before
Y’all remember that log
Just put a little -m with it
Now put those edits with it
Pull it, push it, can’t control it?
Just reset it.

Merging ain’t fun so take a chance
Just get on the master branch and
Do the rebase dance
I know you hate it
But don’t try to grep it
Just check the status
And try to fetch it.

Move that base around, let me
Show it from the status
Yeah, I init it like that
Comon’ add .
Roll those commits
Drop down double up
On those diffs
Freak Nasty wanna see
Can ya’ll do this?
Comon’ clone me.

Standard
Random

Three really common places to put nine different things

Can you believe how factual and dead-on this is?

Things Places
Booger you just picked On your pant leg.

On your sock.

Anywhere in the air (by flicking it).

An unused condom In your pocket.

In your glovebox.

In the oven.

A used condom On the floor.

In the garbage.

Lost.

A freshly born baby In the hands of the mother.

In the hands of the father.

On a baby-sized hamster wheel.

A ski pole In the snow.

Under a skier.

In a snowboarder.

A cat In water.

On a dog.

In a hat.

A kitchen Under water.

On the moon.

In a bathroom.

Ketchup On french fries.

On pizza.

On ketchup.

Tidal waves In the kitchen.

In a Swim Ear commercial.

In outer space (can you fucking imagine?).

Standard
Travel

54 Days, 6 Countries, 4 Continents, 18 Flights, and a lot more.

My travels have concluded. I made a good run, traveling a total of 54 days. I’ve kept some stats on the journey. But instead of just expecting you to read boring stats, I’ve tried to spice shit up a bit. (Shit is much better when it is spicy.)

So, the Earth’s Circumference is 24,859.82 miles (40,008 km). Maybe you forgot that, but most of us learned it when we were kids. Throughout my journey, I traveled approximately 42,097 miles  (67,748.6 km), which means, I could have traveled around the earth, if I wanted to. Truth is, I have a spaceship, and I do it every Sunday.

I took a lot of flights on my trip. What is “a lot?” For me, I’m calling that number 18. That’s 18 times that I got on a plane and thought during take-off, “hey, I hope the engines don’t die mid-flight.” And during landing, I was just pleased that the brakes worked, 18 times. Below are the flights I took, and a comment associated with each one, and sometimes a photo.

Total Flights (Getting on an Airplane and Landing)

  1. New York City (JFK) to Rome Fiumicino (FCO) … Had a layover, which is better than a hangover.
  2. Rome (FCO) to Cairo (CAI) … Walked out of the airport and thought, “where are the pyramids?!?!” and, “why am I sweating already?”

    Found.

  3. Cairo (FCO) to Paris, Charles de Gaulle (CDG) … Give me an expensive macaroon from that store with the name I can never Ladureeeeeeeeee-say, thanks.
  4. Paris (CDG) to New York City (JFK) … It’s still hot here, this is bullshit.
  5. Newark (EWR) to Minneapolis/St. Paul (MSP) … Newark at 6 a.m. (painful), but Minneapolis has a beautiful Delta terminal.
  6. Minneapolis/St. Paul to Portland International (PDX) … Portland, ah yes. Time for some skiing at Mt. Hood. Yes, I’m well aware that it’s July.

    Skiing with my bro at Mt. Hood.

  7. Portland International (PDX) to New York City (JFK) … My cab driver drove a race car, I mean, like he had a race car.
  8. La Guardia (LGA) to Miami International (MIA) … I had a chicken pita wrap for breakfast; it was actually quite disgusting.
  9. Miami International (MIA) to Bogota (BOG) … Last time I was here, everyone had a machine gun. This time, everyone expects that, as an American, I’m carrying one.
  10. Bogota (BOG) to Cartagena (CTG) … I had jeans on. This was a mistake. By the time I got to the hostel, it looked like someone pushed me in a pool.

    See the sweat on my shirt?

  11. Cartagena (CTG) to Bogota (BOG) … I had a Coke Zero. That’s it.
  12. Bogota (BOG) to Cali (CLO) … Only flying through, I bought an orange juice. I was feeling sick – probably from drinking half a liter of rum the night before and not washing my hands with soap for the past 36 hours. (No one had soap in Playa Blanca. Or did they?)
  13. Cali (CLO) to Quito (UIO) … Found my mom. It was easy; she’s white and has grey hair. Other people in Quito don’t share these qualities.
  14. Quito (UIO) to Guayaquil (GYE) … When the airplane landed, people clapped. Nobody claps for me when I land my spaceship.
  15. Guayaquil (GYE) to New York City (JFK) … Was only in NYC for 17 hours, or something absurd, before flying to Europe.
  16. New York City (JFK) to Amsterdam (AMS) … There were so many signs in this airport that I just stopped reading them. I cried in the bathroom. (That’s not true.)
  17. Berlin, Tegel Airport (TXL) to Charles de Gaulle (CDG) … I made my connection with 20 minutes to spare. People in the customs line were missing their flights. Someone who works for Merriam-Webster Dictionary would call this a “shit-show.”
  18. Charles de Gaulle (CDG) to New York City (JFK) … The plane didn’t go down. This pleased me.

Trains

(I also took some trains on this trip. Comments included.)

  1. Cairo Station to Aswan Station …I peed on my leg while on this train. It sucked.
  2. Aswan Station to Cairo Station … I was sick to my stomach on this train. It sucked even more.
  3. Amsterdam Centraal Station to Frankfurt Main Station … I had a seat and I read 200 pages of a book. I was making up for brain cells lost in Amsterdam.
  4. Frankfurt Main Station to Munich Main Station … I was running from Frankfurt because I was traumatized from being sexually harassed the night before.
  5. Schongau to Munich Main Station … It was so cold in my seat that I stopped, dropped, and rolled. I was trying to start a fire.
  6. Munich Main Station to Berlin Main Station … I only spent 20 minutes in Munich. Just enough time to pretend to speak German while ordering a sandwich. “Kann ich ein sandwich have-in-my-mouth-en? DANKE!”

Cars

(Yup, I rode in cars.)

I got to drive on the Autobahn. I took a little SmartCar all the way to 170 km/h. A few people passed us, but that’s only because I let them.

Zooooooooooooooming along on the autobahn.

Hotels/Hostels/Homes

(I had to sleep somewhere.)

  1. Some random hostel in Cairo … The driver took me to a hostel that I didn’t book. I thought that I was going to get murdered.
  2. Brother’s Hostel Cairo … My real hostel, I remember some 20-year-old American girl was hooking up with one of the guys working there. She talked a lot about her conquests. I pretended to listen.
  3. Nuba Nila Hotel, Aswan … They called it a 3-star hotel. I called that bullshit.
  4. Collin’s Lake Resort, Oregon … This place had nice wooden floors. I remember sleeping forever, as I was coming from Egypt.
  5. Cranky Croc Hostel, Bogota … One of the best hostels I’ve ever stayed at. Some very, very, blurry nights.

    Random photo: Simon Bolivar Square in Bogota.

  6. Makako Chill Out Hostel, Cartagena … Shit hostel. Met great people. Two random girls from Colombia sleeping on the couches. Fact: they were annoying.
  7. ANY Hostel, Playa Blanca … Crazy caretaker woman spoke like she was possessed with demons. Correction, she was possessed with demons.
  8. The Chill House Backpackers Hostel, Cartagena … It was hard to sleep because it felt like ants were crawling all over my body.
  9. La Casa Sol, Quito …They said they had WiFi, but it was broken. The room smelled like stinky feet.
  10. The Traveler’s Inn, Quito … Solid breakfast. My private room was smaller than a jail cell. I could basically pee in the toilet from the bed. I should have tried.
  11. Cabanas, Cotopaxi National Park … No heater. No shower. No toilet paper. But, yes to running water. This was a warm-up for the Jose Rivas Refuge.

    One of the views of Ruminahui, 15 minutes from the Cabanas.

  12. Jose Rivas Refuge, Cotopaxi National Park … No heater and higher altitude. No toilet paper. No shower. I mean, no running water. This was a warm-up for the top of Cotopaxi, which is billed as: “just views, yo!”

    One of those “just views, yo.”

  13. Mom’s House, Quito … Amenities and a mother to do your laundry. HOLY AMAZING.
  14. My apartment, New York … My sheets were dirty. I dumped all of my clothes off, packed, and left 17 hours later.
  15. Frankfurt Hostel, Frankfurt … The shower was conceived by a small-minded individual, and it was constructed by a shaky-handed one. Chinua Achebe wrote a book about this, I think it was called “Things Fall Apart.”
  16. Wombats Hostel, Munich … They decided to give everyone a wake-up call at 10 a.m. to announce checkout. You weren’t checking out that day? No problem, you got the wake-up call anyway.
  17. A house, Schongau … Amenities +1, including fantastic meals. Superb decorations, company, and music included. Also included: a hair dryer for when you have cold feet.
  18. The Heart of Gold Hostel, Berlin … Cool bar and solid internet. I was too tired to get drunk – maybe I was burnt out after 54 days of traveling.

The Cities

Here’s a list of the cities/places I visited, where visited means spending 24 hours or more there: Cairo, Aswan, Portland, Bogota, Cartagena, Playa Blanca, Quito, Latacunga, Amsterdam, Frankfurt, Schongau, Munich, Berlin.

The Countries

Egypt, USA, Colombia, Ecuador, the Netherlands, Germany

The Trip Highlights

And now, for my favorite highlights? Cue the ESPN Sportscenter music…

10.  Let’s begin with the pyramids, which were spectacular. But let’s be honest, the only reason I liked them was because I built them.

Easy as 1-2-3.

9.  Going from Egypt in the summer to Oregon in the summer, and donning ski boots, well, that was an experience. I also got to see my cousins’ twin boys. Apparently, babies grow when you aren’t around (is that like the tree falling in the woods?).

They’re swimmin’!

8.  That one night of drinking in Bogota. I can say that we started by, well, just drinking at the hostel; there were six of us. I can say that when we returned to the hostel, the sun was up, and there were only three of us.

7.  That other night of drinking in Bogota. We started at the hostel. Then we went to the bars. Then? Some locals’ apartments. After getting kicked out, we got in a cab and the first question we asked was: “Where are the open bars?” It was 3 a.m.

6.  The one night in Playa Blanca was quite spectacular due to the group of people I spent it with. But hey, swimming in water that lights up to your movement wasn’t too shabby, either.

Half of the awesome group seen here.

5.  Leaving Playa Blanca, this was the “Bon Voyage” I received

I felt pretty cool. No, I am cool.

4.  Climbing Cotopaxi in Ecuador for the second time and being there for a clear day was breathtaking. When I reached the top, I was above the clouds, triumphant. It’s nice to feel triumphant. Also, seeing my mother was good – it had been two years.

Me at the refuge in 2010.

Me at the refuge in 2012.

3.  On a whim, I went to Germany and met up with the very same Germans I had met in Cartagena. They brought me a birthday cake and alcohol. I felt right at home, even though I was around 4,000 miles away.

2.  One set of brown eyes that I saw. One had a hint of green. I looked for a longggggggggg time.

1.  The people and the places. The world is big. People speak different languages, and eat different food, but they’re still people. They’re fun to talk to. They’re fun to meet. And the places can offer some similar sights, but always plenty different. I have no idea how I am going to see them all before I die.

That’s all I’ve got for you. Now that I won’t be traveling, and I’m going to have less time, I’m not sure what will become of the blog. But with any luck, the inspiration won’t die. The last 54 days have been the most productive for me in my writing over the last two years. Note: I said nothing about quality.

Thanks for reading.

Standard
Travel

Climbing Cotopaxi, That Volcano In Ecuador

A view of Cotopaxi from the top of Ruminahui.

Two years ago I was in Quito when I heard about Cotopaxi (5,897 meters, or, 19,347 feet). I booked the trip and successfully climbed it. My camera froze at the top, however, and I didn’t have any photos of my victory. I like having photos of my victories. So, to spite the wickedness of the world, I decided I would climb it again.

For the straight-forward stuff about Cotopaxi, go the “Straight-forward Stuff About Cotopaxi” section at the end of this post. For the exciting story with fun photos, read along.

Story Time!

With two weeks in Quito to visit my mom, I had some time to kill. So, I joined a gym. After the second day at the gym, I concluded that I should climb Cotopaxi again. It would make going to the gym purposeful.

The gym is kinda retro, but cool.

I worked out 5 days in a row and called that “good enough.” I skipped the weekend. On Monday, I went to Condor Trekk, the agency I used two years prior and I booked the trip. They asked me if I wanted to join a hike of Ruminahui, a 4721 meter peak. (I knew it would be good for acclimatization, something I neglected for my first hike, which gave me an ear-splitter of a headache.) The trip would be on Tuesday, leaving Quito at 8am. I was in.

Next day, we drove to some random Hacienda to pick up some other people who were hiking with Condor Trekk. The hacienda happened to be around 300 years old.

The view as you drive up to the Hacienda.

Fast forward, this is Ruminahui:

On the way up Ruminahui.

This is me sitting on top of Ruminahui:

And this is me standing on top of Ruminahui:

It took 3.5 hours to climb up and 1.5 hours to climb down. Climbing mountains is obviously easier with proper trekking shoes and pants, but to hell with proper. There was a fun section of the mountain that was soft sand, which you could run down as fast as you wanted, leaping down 10+ feet at a time.

End result: lots of dirt in shoes and an equitable amount of fun.

For the evening, we stayed at cabanas in the Cotopaxi National Park. The bathroom facilities were second to none:

I think that white stuff is toilet paper. Used?

The food was good though, and our group went back to the cabana for sleepy time. The next morning, it was time to pack our bags for the Cotopaxi excursion which would begin at 12:00 a.m. on Thursday. Don’t forget the toilet paper:

Then we drove to Cotopaxi. It’s a dirt road. There’s a lot of dirt everywhere. If you are smart, you’ll have something to cover your nose and mouth with. When dust kicked up, I tried to hold my breath until it settled. Sometimes it takes dust a long time to settle. It’s easy to see the mountain:

Driving towards our destination.

Now, Cotopaxi

When you go to climb Cotopaxi, tour companies will drive you to the Jose Rivas Refuge camp at 4,810 meters (15,780.8 feet). In fact, they will drop you off at the parking lot, which is about 200 to 250 meters below the actual Refuge building. This is a good warmup for Cotopaxi, hauling all of your gear (ice axe, sleeping bag, Beach Barbie Doll and baseball hat) up a dirt hill for 200+ meters. It’s good that it’s a warmup, though, because there is no heater in the Jose Rivas Refuge Camp. There is also no running water. This is Sparta (minus the abs).

Outside of the refuge.

Once at the refuge in the early afternoon, the guides will load you up on food, which includes a guaranteed serving (x 5) of starch. Did your food digest? No? “Perfect, ‘cause we’re going to go hike 30 minutes to the glacier to practice using crampons and ice axe.” So, you’re hiking to go practice. Keep in mind, you already hiked up 200+ meters with all of your gear about an hour ago. In addition, in roughly 9 hours, you will be waking up at 12:00 a.m. to begin climbing Cotopaxi at 1:00 a.m.  It’s a tough itinerary – made more challenging because of the altitude.

Congratulations, you passed, and now you know how to perform a self-arrest with an ice axe, which isn’t totally irrelevant if you are walking around gaping crevasses like this one:

By the time we got back to the refuge, it was dinner time. I ate, not necessarily because I was hungry, but because I wanted to stockpile energy. I went to bed around 7:00 p.m., along with 20 other people. The refuge doesn’t have heat, and they have dorm-style cots in two large rooms upstairs. The place can sleep around 90 people. As you can imagine, it can be quite difficult to sleep in this type of environment with the wind also howling. I managed to get about 4 hours of sleep and woke up at 11:30 a.m.

I unzipped my sleeping bag and started getting ready for the climb. Our group of 4 met downstairs for breakfast. I skipped anything big and just had two pieces of bread. I didn’t want to feel stuffed for the next hour or so.

We left at 1:00 a.m. First, you must hike up through dirt until you get to the glacier. Once there, you attach your crampons and get roped up to your guide via your harness. It makes you feel safer. Then the guides take the lead, walking up the snow/ice in the dark.

At times, they say “cuidado” or “careful,” and they look back at a crevasse they just stepped over – where you’ll be walking next. The sizes of the crevasses you pass over range from 6 inches to 2.5 feet. Pretend you are a cat. Do not meow.

Climb. Climb. Climb. Up above, hundreds of meters, you can see the glow of headlamps of individuals who left an hour before you. They look like stars.

Raul, my guide, and I passed many people around the fourth hour of the climb and we were going to be first to summit. For some reason, he then said to me and pointed, “nosotros vamos por aca, en el hielo.” Translation: We are going to go there, in the ice. He took me into an ice field, which was a wind-blown section of hundreds of cone-shaped, pointy mounds throughout it. He was using his ice axe to climb up. It was time to put the training to use. I smashed my axe into the ice, it didn’t stick. I smashed it again, harder; it made a happier sound: success. I pulled down on it, testing the hold. It felt good.

And I crawled out into the field of ice, surrounded in darkness everywhere my headlamp did not illuminate. I jammed the sharp edges of my crampons into the ice. This is probably how Spiderman feels, I thought. The guide then moved up to new positions and I would follow him, using my ice axe and crampons to shimmy up the hardened face. Already exhausted, this was a test of my endurance, in addition to my balls. Good thing I packed them.

We get out of the ice face and continued hiking up. By now, people had passed us by going a separate route. I didn’t care that much about being first this time around – going through that icy face was exhilarating. This is what it looks like during the day:

No problem for Spiderman, that dick.

And then, there was first sign of light, peaking over the clouds:

With 20 minutes left to the summit, we were moving quickly. It was clear out and I didn’t want to miss the window.

When we reached the top, I was elated.

I had been there once before, but the top was covered in thick clouds. On this day, I could see many of the nearby mountains. I was surrounded in natural beauty. And I took plenty of photos.

Raul and I at the top.

The volcano crater.

Victory.

After spending 10-15 minutes at the top, we started to head down. This is arguably the hardest part of the climb because you are exhausted. Walking downhill on snow and ice while exhausted is dangerous.

We stopped for more photos.

Near the ice field.

Cool icicles.

Inside a “crevasse.”

Raul looks comfortable.

I spy something pretty.

Chillin’ above the clouds.

And as far as interesting things go, that’s about it. That’s Cotopaxi.

Straight-forward Stuff About Cotopaxi

  • $200-220 to climb with a partner and guide. $300-350 to climb solo with a guide. If your partner has to go down, you have to go with them.
  • Acclimatization is important if you want to experience less pain. Headaches happen. Some people get sick and vomit from the altitude. It depends on the person.
  • I booked my trip (both times) with Condor Trekk, located on Reina Victoria and Cordero — in the Mariscal District of Quito
  • Jose Rivas Refuge: 4,810 meters. Cotopaxi Summit: 5,897 meters.
  • Bring sunscreen for the way down; the sun can be brutal and it can take 3 hours to get down.
  • Physical condition is not to be taken lightly. I was running 3.4 kilometers in about 15 minutes before I went on the trip. That translates to about 2 miles in 15 minutes. I was training in Quito, at an altitude of 2,850 meters. That’s not exactly fast, but it was enough training for this trip.
  • Ask me about anything else.
Standard