I had short hair my whole life… until I was 25. Then I grew it out, and over the last few years I realized there are some compelling reasons every man should grow long hair at least once.
1) You’ll Understand Women Better
Not really. But, you’ll at least understand some of the problems the majority of women have endured their entire life: 1) bad hair days where it’s really obvious, and 2) fewer solutions to solve this bad-hair-day problem. With short hair, things are easier to hide. And these days, as a guy, it’s more common to wear a hat — which is the solution to any bad hair day.
2) You Can Fetch Compliments
No guarantees here, but you’ll have an opportunity to be admired for your HAIR. The number of times you get compliments on your hair when it’s short? 0. But when it’s long? The potential is infinite!
3) The Wind and You Are in a Relationship Muy Complicado
Roll down the car windows, drop the top on the convertible, your hair is blowing in the wind and you feel 100% DOPE. You and the wind are tight homies — you go way back to kindergarten. And then, the following day, you get your hair game together cause you’re hitting the town. It’s still a little wet, and you and your buddies get in the car. Buddy in the front seat rolls the window down and the wind (read: HURRICANE) hits your hair and makes a rat nest atop your dome piece. Now you just want to put a hat on, but you’ve only got baseball hats, and you’re wearing a button down. Nope nope nope. You hate the wind now.
4) You Might be Referred to as “Miss”
Sitting down at a restaurant and the waiter can only see the back of your (referring to any man) head, and he starts: “Good evening, ladies. Drinks to start?” And then you turn at him and he looks really embarrassed… And you feel really embarrassed because you are on a date.
5) You’ll Begin to Appreciate Conditioner
When I had short hair, I used 2-in-1 Shampoo/Conditioner like Pert Plus. Then I stopped when I had enough hair to realize that Pert Plus is a big green assassin of hair.
6) You’ll Be Unique
Go to a bar and look around. Count the number of dudes with long hair. If you grow your hair out, you’ll be special. That’s good for your bar game. Of course, this totally depends on the bar you’re in, because in the case of a ski town, things change, which leads me to…
7) You’ll Fit Right In at a Ski Town
If you’ve been trying to be a ski bum your whole life but have kept putting it off, well, growing your hair out and visiting some ski towns will get you one step closer to your goal. With long hair, you can shred gnar and be super chill with the rest of the long-haired bros at [name-any-ski-town-here].
8) You’ll Know You Have Some Decent Amount of Patience
Long hair must be grown from short hair (yeah, shocking). But growing things takes time, and in this case, getting sweet long hair is going to take just a little longer than sending a text message to your boo. And you have to go through the awkward-length phase, which could also be named the hats-only-every-damn-day phase. If you can endure being the caretaker of this sad excuse for a hair-do for a few months while your teenaged hair grows into an adult, then you can give yourself a pat on the back (or the head) and recognize your ability to navigate times filled with turbulent waters.
9) You’re Trying Something New
Novelty is so sexy. AND YOU LOVE SEXY!
10) You’ll Have More Options for Great Halloween Costumes
11) You Get to Cut It
If you grow it out, you get to cut it off, too. And in this case, I highly recommend doing it yourself even if the last head of hair you cut belonged to that girl on the playground from the first grade. (You did it because you thought it’d be funny.) In both cases it resulted in everyone crying, but forget about that because you’ll be crying with joy!