Coding, How-To, New York City, Random

How a Copywriter Becomes a Software Engineer

When I graduated college, I had a degree in Philosophy and a desire to work as a writer — specifically as a journalist.

“So much liberal, so much arts.”

This eventually became, “so much for liberal arts!”

And for a while, writing was precisely the work that I did. I moved to NYC and started my career as a creative (copywriter and strategist) at a digital ad agency. I was given a cheap laptop and a seat without much leg room and was put right to work — thank God the work didn’t involve me moving because my legs were asleep from the lack of space (not true, unless I was in outer space, or something).

But before I started that job as a copywriter, I had this crazy tech company idea: Newspanion — “it’s like Pandora, but for news.” Back in 2010/2011, there weren’t a lot of Pandoras for news, so it was a novel idea, which is no longer the case. My business partner, Andrew, was a guy I met some many months earlier in line for a bar (apparently my early-20s self thought it was acceptable to wait in lines to access alcohol).

Together, he and I wanted to start a tech company…

and we had pretty much zero tech skills.

What does that mean? Well, we weren’t going to be technologically engineering anything, unless you count engineering e-mails to try to find a technical cofounder.

So here I was, a copywriter/strategist moonlighting as a tech entrepreneur — writing copy by day and business plans by night. Collectively, Andrew and did a lot of research, wrote a lot of business stuff, sent a lot of business e-mails, and tried our damned-est to find a technical cofounder.

But it never worked out; something always went wrong.

It was around my 5th or 6th month at the agency when I decided that I would try to build a prototype for our startup so we could pitch investors. I didn’t know where to start.

I hadn’t written any HTML since Geocities in 1997.

Hell, I didn’t even know if HTML would do it. I did some research, and everyone was always talking about this Ruby on Rails thing. That sounded like it would do the trick because it sounded fancy enough. But some people said I should learn Ruby before Rails (and I was like, “Where’s the train platform again? Is that near the jewel excavation site?”).

I took their advice and bought a book on Ruby. And the next thing I noticed was that everyone using Rails seemed to be using Macs. In fact, lots of software engineers were on Macs, and I had a rickety-ass, 7-year-old Toshiba that looked a lot like something you could use as an ad-hoc baseball plate (if you were actually caught in a base-less-baseball-game pinch). This laptop looked like a stove, or an ironing board, or a model UFO. Actually, not a model UFO, that would look cool; this thing was so uncool.

toshiba laptop

My Toshiba laptop and netbook. Remember netbooks?!

Coming to terms with these facts, I bought a 13-inch Macbook pro, which I’ve been using as a reliable (and expensive) paperweight recently. When I unpackaged that puppy though, it was like coding Christmas. Ruby was already installed! Things were going to be so great!

… And pretty much every day for a few months, I went to work, wrote some ads and copy.

Then I went home and wrote some really, really bad code.

Actually, a lot of the time I didn’t even write it, I copy-pasta’d it. Those early days were filled with plenty of soup and copy pasta. I might as well have called myself a sous-do chef!

I really had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t have a good framework for understanding the material. I found my studies in philosophy to help me during these Boeing-747-turbulent times by helping me ask good questions (I also had plenty of others… caution: article contains bad words!):

  • “What is the problem I am trying to solve here?”
  • “What is this doing? I want to understand this.”
  • “If this works and that works, what happens when I remove this? Does it still work?

Good ol’ deductive reasoning. I never thought I’d be deducing bug origins (of type software or creepy-crawly) when I was sitting reading Nichomachean Ethics, but gosh was I wrong.

I just kept plugging away, until one day,

I had a really shitty-spaghetti prototype (Bon Appetite!)

of our web application.

But hey, it worked, and now we could at least show people our idea. Long story short: we showed and showed, but just never could get the traction we were looking for, and the startup died.

Meanwhile though, back in real-life world, I was still a copywriter and strategist, writing ads that you probably didn’t even notice while surfing the interwebs. About 12 months into that job, I decided I’d try a hackathon. At the event, I luckily sat next to an engineering wizard, Toby, (basically the Harry F’ing Potter of coding), and we won. With the taste of victory so fresh, I went to another hackathon and won that one too. I will always hold that we won because of our teams; my teammates defined excellence. At these hackathons I provided product/creative contributions, in addition to writing mangled HTML/CSS/Javascript.

It was about this time that I was feeling pretty awesome about my new skillz. I mean, I could actually pay the billz now!

Fast forward a little bit to 2012. I quit my job as a copywriter and joined AppNexus, that global ad tech company you may have heard of. I started at AppNexus as a technical account manager (TAM), since there was no way I could really be hired as a software engineer (well, maybe, if I only did front-end). But still, at tech companies, there are lots of people more technical than you when you are a self-taught web developer. And so I was a TAM, TAMing away at the beat of my drum. TAMing was great because it taught me that I had enormous gaps in my computin’ knowledge. I didn’t know how to use CURL or write SQL statements when I started at AppNexus. But most important of all, I learned that I didn’t really know how to figure things out on my own yet — I mean the type of figuring out that doesn’t include Stack Overflow, but instead, includes RTFMing.

Just RTFM!!

Just RTFM!!

As a TAM, I found myself doing all sorts of repeated tasks in Excel, which I didn’t like much, so I took up scripting and Python.

I’ll tell you what, my first Python scripts were so bad

that someone probably should have written a script…

to rewrite all of mine.

Sometimes I wondered if I should have stuck to writing movie scripts.

With time, though, I got faster and better, and was on to the next challenge: Data Analysis with Python. I moved into a new role as an analyst. Being a data analyst is cool because you get to decide on which tools you want to use to conduct your analysis, and then you also get to decide how you want to display the data. I chose Python for everything I did, just to get better. And better I got. (I also would often do things the hard way just to get the most learning out of the task.)

In August of 2015 I moved into a Software Engineering role,

approximately 1540 days after my initial efforts

to learn how to build software back in May, 2011.

Granted, I took plenty of breaks in between and probably could have accelerated the process by years by going for an internship, or more school (… ew). But I didn’t go that route, because it’s about the journey, not how you get there! Wait a minute. It’s how you got there, not the journey. Uh, scrap the platitudes… Did someone say journey?

What I meant to say is: Don’t stop believing.

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New York City, Random

Flipping Coins to Decide on Surgery — My Little Torn Meniscus

The coin flipped through the air — heads meant I would go in for the surgery, tails meant I would not. The coin landed on heads.

“Damn,” I thought. Maybe, I’ll do best two out of three. I flipped it again. Heads. “Damnit.” I thought maybe I should flip it one more time, just to be sure. The quarter made that high-pitched zipping sound after it left my hand, cutting its way through the air. It hit its apex and then descended into my palm. Heads. “DAMNIT!”

I brushed my teeth, put my shorts on, and headed to the hospital. I had just flipped a coin to help me decide if I would have surgery on my meniscus. It’s hard to say if that was a good choice, since I’m still recovering, but I’ll know in a few weeks. I mean, I’m not dead, so there’s at least that.

My knees aren’t in the best shape. This is my good one:

Scar+Knee = Scarknee. A circus scarknee!

Scar+Knee = Scarknee. A circus scarknee!

And the good news about my good knee is that it belongs to my good (dominant: right) leg. The bad news about my bad knee is that it belongs to my bad left leg. Right now, this is my bad knee on my bad leg:

IMG_3629

For comparison:

Knee model. Yeah, that's me.

Knee model. Yeah, that’s me.

Over the last 15 years, my left leg has been through some shit. It all started in 2000 when I dropped into a half-pipe and traveled up the wall for the first hit: 3-2-1 lift-off. I dropped my shoulder and head to start the rotation — the trick to be performed was a backflip-180. As I made my way around, I was expecting my skis to meet with the hard snow of the half-pipe’s wall within the second, but the sound and feeling didn’t come. What?

And finally, I crashed hard on the tails of my skis in the bottom of the pipe. The impact from the crash was so powerful that I broke my left leg’s tibia and fibula clean through.

BAM! POW! WHAM!

The surgery for that was, well, gnarly. The results left me with a titanium rod extending knee-to-ankle, and three screw (two in ankle, one in knee area) implants. This is the nicest video I could find of the procedure, which still gives me the chills, even though it’s just drawings/cartoons:

And if you’re really looking for some bloody stuff, you can watch this one:

A year after that surgery, I was playing soccer for my high school team. The season had just started, and we were in our second or third game. I was blazing down the right wing with the ball and a defender came in cleats up from a frontal/side angle. He smashed right into my shin guard and missed the ball, from what I recall. But for what he missed in ball, he made up for by fracturing my shin.

One might say that that kind of damage/trauma to a leg leaves a lasting impression. Physically, I had a shin that protruded near the site of the break, and it would change colors (get black and blue-ish) when I ran around for a long time. Naturally, I kept skiing and playing soccer, because it takes more than broken legs to stop this guy!

Fast forward about 10 years to February of 2015. I skied about 15 days, and everything was just dandy for my knees — at least I thought so. Then, in March, I was playing an indoor soccer game (super important playoff game, obviously) on a hard court.

It was late in the second half and I was backpedaling to get in a good offensive position, when, all of a sudden, my left leg just kinda gave out.

It felt weak and uncontrollable, like someone kicked all the mojo out of it. There were only two minutes left in the game, so I kept playing with my newly acquired hobble-run.

We lost the game, and afterward, I remember thinking that my leg felt weird, maybe a little shocked; I was also limping around like a feeble old man. When I got home, I got a good look at my knee; it was completely swollen. “Shit,” I thought. “Did I tear something? Shit! Shit! Shit!” I started icing it, took Alleve, grabbed a shower and went to bed.

That knee on that fateful night. Curse you, I say. A pox on you!

Left knee on that fateful night of injury. Curse you, I say. A pox on you!

The next day, I tried to get out of bed and couldn’t put weight on it; I wanted to cry.

I probably did. I had been in this position twice in my life already, with the same leg — “always this goddamned left leg,” I said, likely in a more impressive combination of four-letter words. But I tried to stay hopeful. I had my brother get me a pair of crutches from Craigslist and I set up a doctor appointment.

After getting a MRI, it was clear: my meniscus was torn.

The physician recommended that I do physical therapy for 4-6 weeks before thinking about surgery, because for a meniscus, it’s usually not something that is “repaired.” More often, he told me, the torn/frayed part of the meniscus is scooped out, which is analogous to removing a hangnail that bothers you. (One little difference between a hangnail and a frayed meniscus is that fixing one requires some clippers, and fixing the other one requires anesthesia, and, uh, knives and shit.)

I stopped playing soccer for a couple months and switched to running. Eventually, the pain I felt while traveling up and down stairs subsided and I could run a few miles pain free. A couple more months and I was playing soccer again, mostly without pain. Then one day, I kicked the ball in a weird way and it hurt so much I had to stop playing. Again, I stopped soccer and turned only to running. In June, I decided to schedule my surgery for September so I could enjoy some sweat-like-you’re-gonna-water-California’s-plants summer runs and the great outdoors.

Well, as it turns out, time turns (with the hands on the clock, duh), and it was September, and my surgery was in five days. To be certain about the decision for surgery, I went out to play soccer and gave it a good romping. To my dismay, I could elicit no pain. This is when I started to freak out and think, “Maybe I don’t need the surgery? Maybe I can just keep using it like this? This is fine. I like using it like this. Nothing to see here, folks.” This couldn’t be true — where had the pain gone?

To add to my predicament, I knew I would be skiing this winter, and had no idea how my knee would react to skiing and more specifically, skiing moguls (my favorite). To guarantee that I would be skiing pain-free this season, I had to decide if I would:

  • A) use the lack of pain I felt while playing soccer as a predictor for what I would feel while skiing and not get surgery (but risk making the tear worse), OR,
  • B) just get the surgery and settle with the fact that I’d have less meniscus to help protect my knee from arthritis in the future, but probably prevent future tearing, and probably be pain-free.

By the way, these options suck.

I slept on it, and the next day (Wednesday), I played soccer again. I hammered on it with lateral movement, twists and turns, but I couldn’t get much pain out of it. And that made my decision even more difficult. I was hoping that two days of soccer would bring some real pain to it. But instead, I felt like the 14-year-old boy I once was.

Surgery was scheduled for Friday, and I had all of Thursday to decide.

I called my doctor and my old physical therapist — one said to do it, and the other said not to. Perfect.

So, I slept on it again. And when I woke up on Friday, I was really hoping to have a definitive answer, but I didn’t have one. I was standing in the kitchen when I decided I’d flip a coin. I walked into my room to grab a quarter. And then…

…The coin flipped through the air and landed on heads.

I woke up in the post-operation room and I looked down at my leg; it was all bandaged up. Time had passed, and events had occurred while my consciousness was away. Now that it had returned, I took stock of the situation and was relieved that it was over. A nurse came by and I stated: “thirsty,” for which I was awarded a small styrofoam cup of ice chips.

It was time to go home.

 

Some Notes

  • I don’t recommend flipping coins to determine whether you are going to do a surgery or not. You should be certain about your decision. In the end, if I really did’t want to get the surgery, I wouldn’t have shown up at the hospital. I think my brain calculated the odds and determined I was more likely to be pain-free this ski season if I went with the surgery. But, it really felt like a bet. And I hate betting.
  • A meniscectomy (the procedure) is a quick recovery compared to other things, like tearing/repairing your labrum (https://sweet-as-tandy.com/2014/07/30/what-its-like-to-have-surgery-on-your-labrum/). If the procedure involves scooping, and not stitching, you shouldn’t need crutches, and you’ll walk out of the hospital the same day of your surgery. Your knee will be swollen though (GET SWOLL, YO).
  • Your throat can hurt post-operation. Oh, you didn’t know? That’s usually because they stick a endotracheal tube (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_anaesthesia) down that guy.
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Coding, Hackathon, New York City

Coming Through In the Clutch at Sports Illustrated’s Hackathon

“Hackathons are, like, my new favorite thing,” said not a lot of people. But I’m saying it, because I like building proof of concepts in a short period of time.

Hackathons are great reminders that great things can be built in no time at all.

Earlier this month, I participated in Sports Illustrated’s first hackathon, and this is a brief recounting of that sugar-filled, sleep-deprived, product-building experience. (No sports were actually played, unfortunately.)

We showed up around 9:30 a.m. because we were told that more people RSVP’d than the event space could handle. When I arrived, there were already about 10 over-achievers who had gotten there before me. I wanted to say, “damn them,” but then I realized, we were all probably sewn from similar fabric — the kind that welcomes waiting in lines to do work on a Saturday morning for the prospect of a unknown prizes (prizes had not been announced yet).

Around 10 a.m., the event started and we were allowed into the space (Time Inc. Photo Studio), which had a nice view.

The proof is in the pudding.

The proof is in the poster pudding.

A good view for building things that matter.

A good view for building things.

I can't say I read those two issues.

I can’t say I read those two issues.

There was coffee, donuts, bananas and plenty of other snacks to get fired up. My teammate, Brett, and I picked out a table and got settled in. Within about 15 minutes, there were speakers giving presentations to the group of hackers. This was a bit odd, and unfortunately, fell on the note of contrived. But alas, no donut is free. And the final speaker, Alex Bresler, said something that inspired what we would actually be building.

“It’s really difficult to determine who is more clutch than someone else.”

When I heard this, I thought, “Why? We can do that. We’ll do that.” I messaged Brett (sitting next to me), and asked what the thought about building something that rates the “clutchness” of players in sports, and allows users to compare different players. He responded that he liked that idea.

Left: Brett paying attention to speakers. Right: Me not paying attention.

Left: Brett paying attention to the presentations. Right: Me not paying attention.

Shortly thereafter, the speech wrapped up, and one of the guys sitting at our table asked us what we were working on. I stated that we had an idea, but we weren’t totally sure. We asked him what he did, and he said he worked on “statistical modeling,” or something like that. I was skeptical, as I’m sure Brett was as well — I could see it on his face. I decided to give a little more info about what we were working on, and this statistician dude asked if he could join our team. I thought, “I don’t know anything about this guy, but, why the hell not. He could be great.” I said, “yeah sure, but let me ask Brett.” Brett was not yet convinced, but finally, he decided to say yes too. And so we accepted this stranger onto our team.

I asked him what his e-mail was so I could invite him to our git repo, and he said, [actual-email-address]@alum.mit.edu.

I laughed a good laugh inside. I knew regardless of what would happen, I was probably going to learn something. Our new teammate’s name was Dan (and still is, actually).

After officially becoming team-complete, I gave Dan the idea straight up, he seemed to like it. We discussed how we would build it, and then we were off and running. The unfortunate time was roughly 1 p.m.; this was not a true 24-hour hackathon.

We coded through the “early” night and Dan worked up some awesome model for calculating clutchness. By around 1 a.m., we had something pretty serviceable. Subsequently, this was about the same time my bed started to call me. The problem was, my bed was miles away, and it started to rain, and I did not want to walk anywhere in the rain. We also had some nasty bugs in our code that needed to be squashed, and squash them we did. It was around this time, maybe a little bit earlier, that we started to pair program, because this is when 1 brain is worth about 1/2 a brain. Dan took off for his bed sometime around 2 a.m., I think? Not sure.

Around 4 a.m., delirium struck, and I told Brett I was going to need some nappy time. Brett, as though he were cast of iron, turned to me and said that he was probably going to keep working. I admired that, but I also admired my potential time with the couch. I briefly napped and I returned to our table 30 minutes later, hardly refreshed, but it was better than nothing.

Brett was working on some insane bash command that was downloading videos, compressing them, converting them to another format, and probably sending them to the International Space Station. I kinda thought it was magical, but that’s because everything was magical at that hour, including water. A toothbrush would have been magical, too.

The sun came up; that was good. Dan came back early that morning, and pushed all of his work to our repository. Suddenly, we not only had data, we had a real mathematical model computing the clutchness, or, Clutch Rating of a particular player. We were ecstatic.

As we got closer to stopping-time, I built out a brief outline of our pitch, and we made some last-minute tweaks. The judges arrived (including the CMO of Sports Illustrated, Damian Slattery; the Executive Editor of Sports Illustrated, Ryan Hunt; and the CTO of Time Inc, Colin Bodell) and said some short words, and with that, the pitches started.

Check out that high-tech digital display.

Check out that high-tech digital display of the pitching order.

We got up on stage, and it felt like we nailed it. Our product was quite complete, by hackathon standards. Users could:

  • Search through players, see a snapshot of each player and their overall Clutch Rating.
  • Click on a player and see more stats about the player, including a profile photo.
  • View all of a particular player’s plays that went into computing their overall clutch rating.
  • Click on a play to watch game footage of that play (the product of Brett’s insane shell command).

We were the last team to pitch, and after finishing, the judges went on with their judging.

About 5 minutes later, the winners were announced, and we took first place.

This is what winning looks like.

This is what first place looks like. From left to right: Alex (me), Dan, Colin Bodell, Brett

Plenty of post-hackathon networking ensued, and we went to get a few whiskeys — not that we needed them. We were already mostly drunk with delirium. After the second or third drink, I turned into what some would call, a zombie. I promptly made my way to the train station without eating anyone, and found my bed.

The next day, we were all off to work like nothing ever happened.

Check out our project at clutchratings.com.  

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Coding, Hackathon, New York City

Winning at TechCrunch Disrupt’s Hackathon — 1st Place for Microsoft Outlook Hack

On Friday, May 1st, I was moving to a new apartment with a big ol’ U-Haul truck. On Saturday, May 2nd, I was at Techcrunch Disrupt for the hackathon, aiming to win. And win we did.

Disrupt Logo

Earlier that morning, Jeff and I discussed some potential ideas over coffee, omelettes, and flapjacks. We came down to one: create a timesheet automatically by scanning your sent e-mails and evaluating your past meeting invites. Some people know how infuriating it can be to create a timesheet for clients, because if you don’t log your time immediately, you can forget what you spent the time doing in the first place. So, this was a hack to solve that problem.

One line I was sort of OK to wait in.

 

When we started, I was already physically exhausted, but my brain was still fresh, and I was ready to rip.  Because we were a small team of three, we knew we had to make something with a reasonable scope.

Max productivity!

Max productivity!

We hacked and hacked, as those who hack are wont to do. And this is the rest of the story in pictures:

Backstage before the pitch!

Backstage before the pitch! 

The pitch video! http://techcrunch.com/video/holy-timesheets/518803556/

Making those bills.

Making those bills.

And this was my reward!

And this was my reward!

Jeff put together a nice write-up of the win here.

And that’s a wrap.

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New York City, Random

Inject me with Ink and Then Give me an MRI

There’s nothing quite like having a 4-inch needle stuck into your shoulder, and then having dye injected shortly thereafter. Actually, there is something like this, and it’s called an arthrogram MRI. And actually, there’s another thing just like this too; it’s often referred to as “owwwwwwwwwwwww (actual medical name).”

Before we get to “procedures,” let me describe the environment of the 21st-century imaging facility and waiting room. I arrive at the packed lobby; it’s 10 a.m. I glide (stumble) over to the check-in counter, and say that I’m here for an appointment. “What for?” the receptionist replied.

“For the pain I’m having on my left ass-cheek,” I said.

Just kidding; I didn’t say that, but I should have. Instead I told the truth, that I was up in this hot mess of a hell-hole for an MRI. While I was getting processed, I overheard some real gems. The man to my right was complaining about computers and Obamacare. The man to my left had a tracheostomy and sounded a bit like Darth Vader. The woman behind me had a Nokia phone with the volume set to “Level 10: Deafening.”

I finished my paperwork and sat down right under the TV. Rachel Ray was on. The worst part was that the TV was being watched.

Carrying on, I sat in the first waiting room for 20 minutes, and then in some other random waiting room for another 10 minutes, and then in some dressing room for another 15 minutes, which is where I got to put on this haute couture:

photo

I crossed my legs because that was the regal thing to do, and that dressing room was my palace, goddamnit. Then finally, some guy knocks on the door and escorts me to the Table of Terror (TOT), the origin of the arthrogram injection(s).

The Injection(s)

Once at the TOT, a doctor starts telling me how great this is all going to be. And I know that’s impossible, because I completely fucking hate needles. “Let’s just get it over with,” I say.

First up, local anesthesia to the shoulder area, which kinda hurts. Next, a little more anesthesia, and then, El Doctor sticks the 4-inch needle in my shoulder, which is basically brushing up against my joint. I am recoiling. The Dr. asks if it hurts. I say, “yes Mr. President.” And he hits me with some more Local A. Then he stabs me with the needle again. Whammy, I can’t feel it now.

There are other people in the room; they probably think I’m crazy at this point, but one of them is working an x-ray machine. The x-ray machine is used to get the needle properly placed at the glenohumeral joint (I Googled that). From what I can tell, the needle placement looks great, and I’m ready for the ink! Coach (the Dr.) tells me that I’m going to feel some pressure when he injects the contrast dye. I take a look at the size of the injection tube — not too bad– and I noticed that the ink was clear. For some reason, I was expecting blue — not sure why.

I look at my shoulder, and there’s a needle hanging out of it (awesome). At that moment, I wonder why anyone would ever do heroin. Then Coach goes for it and pumps me full of lead. It is hard to describe the feeling. I suspect it feels pretty shitty without the local anesthesia. I would describe it as an immense amount of pressure that you want to escape, but can’t go anywhere. It’s like a balloon being inflated, but it doesn’t have anywhere to go. And that was that (except for the part where I turned into Captain America).

The MRI

From the TOT, I was on my merry way to the Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine, a.k.a, I was on my way back to the future. I was passed off to some sweet gal from God-knows-where (because I suck at picking out accents, even when people have a strong one, like she did) hits me with the details:

  • Don’t move.
  • Don’t move.
  • It’s kinda loud.
  • Don’t move.
  • It’s only 35 minutes.

I acknowledge that I understand her and stand there awkwardly in my sexy blue gown, waiting for the next orders. She hands me some ear plugs, and I decide to put them in my ears. Next, she has me lay down on narrow gangplank, and then she walks to the other room. Then, the gangplank starts moving into the narrow tube of the MRI machine. “Claustrophobia, here I come,” I thought. Moments later, the machine starts clicking, and zinging, and banging, and making all sorts of noises, so many that I started thinking the whole damn Chinese National Ping Pong Team had an exclusive reservation to play their sport, right inside my head. I closed my eyes.

“PING! PING! PING! PING! PING! ZZZZZN! ZZZZZN! ZZZZZN! ZZZZZN! PING! BANG! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!”

When the sounds finally stopped, the MRI was complete, and thirty-five minutes had elapsed.

And in that glorious silence, it became clear to me after remaining physically still for those many musical minutes that The Chinese National Ping Pong Team is actually a well-versed team of terrorizing torturers. (And I will probably think twice before playing ping pong again.)

After I left the imaging center, I walked right over to the Union Square market and got a brownie — just like the other 6-year-olds do after leaving the doctor’s office. I am twenty-seven years old.

The End.

P.S. Skip to 1:28 of this video if you want to see what the procedure is like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPg_6bvpZfw

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Lists, New York City, Random

Things In New York That You Stop Taking Photos Of

During my first year in New York City (moved out in October, 2009), I took quite a few photos of things that were, at the time, novel. Novelty photos are great because they unveil subject matter that excites an individual. I think we should always feel excited about our environment, and if you are not, it may be indicative that you need to change your life-clothes. Here are some of my gems.

99centpizza

WHAT? 99 CENTS? You mean that I can have a slice of pizza for 99 cents? You mean that I can actually eat something for less than $1 in Manhattan? “Sir, I will take 99 slices, please and thank you.”

IMG_0417

First snow in the city is magical. Now it’s a nuisance, because melted snow = puddles, which turns the entire city into a giant game of Frogger. In this photo, we can see that NYC stays consistent throughout the years — you never know if your street is gonna get plowed or not.

IMG_0402

This is a busy street.

snow

Even bike thieves are afraid of the snow.

ground zero

Ground Zero, which, I actually still might take a photo of, because One World Trade Center now stands here.

subwaywork

Subway guys working on subway stuff. Definitely never take photos of this anymore. Now when I see this, I know it means any of these things: 1) it’s passed 12 a.m. and I should be in bed, 2) my train is going to be delayed, or 3) my train is never going to come.

subwayleaking

The subway is water-tight, which is why you see water pouring into most stations whenever there is more than 1 centimeter of rain. Don’t forget to bring your rain catcher.

streetstatues

This crazy art. And this weird dog. Since I’ll never see both of them together again, I’m glad I captured this. I also know that now I would see this dog and be pissed at the owner for having such a long leash on a busy street.

santacon

Santa Con before I knew what Santa Con was. Now I know what Santa Con is. Now I would smash a beer bottle over their jolly heads.

rockefeller_tree

I actually forgot that I’ve ever seen this tree in person. If I had to go this year, first, I’d rent some ice skates. Then, I’d use them to create a wall of defense around me. You know, like Wolverine does.

plaza

This is the Plaza Hotel. You remember Home Alone, don’t you? I’ll just Google it now. That way I can avoid taking the subway to go see this tourist-surrounded monstrosity.

nye

New Year’s Eve. I’m glad I took a photo, because I can’t remember any of it.

mouse_574

This was my first mouse kill. You can now call me the mouse mercenary with at least 15 kills under my belt. I’m not happy about it. The sad story with this little guy was that the first trap caught his tail. I then led him into the second one. Let’s agree to call this euthanasia. 😦

middle finger

Welcome to New York City! These days I just give the finger right back.

landlord

Alternatively you can just call any landlord — they’re all crazy.

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The Highline. It’s like a train track, but it’s a park. Still cool to go here, but it has lost its picture-worthiness.

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This cat did not learn how to read in school.

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This cat is the store’s security. Little Felix also is a shirt-folding machine.

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People selling stuff on the streets in the Lower East Side. At the time, it surprised me that any streets in Manhattan were used for anything other than driving/jay-walking. I am still surprised by this photo —  these people actually sell their wares.

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Look at that beautiful polluted water!

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Katz’s Delicatessen. I had one of these sandwiches this December. It took me 3 years to make it back here; I’m not a big fan of lines.

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I think Obama might have been in town. Maybe I was hoping to get a photo of him. Definitely don’t care anymore.

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There are 10 flower beds in the city. There are 10,000 dogs. Sadly, dog-owners need to be reminded that their dog should not be peeing or pooping on 1/10 beautiful things in the city.

imagine_lennon

Once you’ve got it once, you don’t need it again. This is still great though.

donut_pub

Why did I take this photo? I must have been trying to prove a point — that there are donut shops in Manhattan which are not Dunkin Donuts.

bad accident

“Hey dude, you flipped your car in the middle of Broadway/Houston… Yeah, the really busy street that smells like bad Cologne because of the Hollister on the corner.”

union_snow

This is an empty Union Square, with snow. Did you hear me? Union Square. Empty.

I ❤ NY.

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